Snitch

My Dad's sister died today. She was his oldest sibling and he loved her dearly. I have decided not to tell him.

Shocking, yes. But let me explain my thought process. Dad has dementia and his short term memory is pretty much shot. If I tell him his sister has died, he will of course be sad and begin to grieve. Unfortunately, his grief and pain will last longer than the memory of why he is sad. He will then "fill in the blanks". I have no idea what he will come up with or how he will reconcile his negative feelings. I have decided to spare him this.

I do know my mother felt exactly the opposite. When my Dad's brother died, she decided to tell him. I counseled her against that move but she felt she needed to "orient" him. I thought it was going to be a disaster and it wasn't. My Dad took the news in stride and currently frequently asks for his brother and believes he is still alive. I guess you could say that when my Mom died, his brother's death went with her.

Some of you may feel that I should tell him and some may feel that I have done the right thing. I don't know. What I do know, is I am comfortable with the decision and know that I made it with only my Dad's best interests at heart. I think that is the ultimate litmus test for all of us. We do the best we can, we may not always make the best choice, but when the choice comes from our heart and our loved one's best interest is at heart, we can be comfortable with our choice.

I wish to all of you, comfort with your choices and know that whatever you do with love, is the right choice.