Event plus reaction equals outcome

I was reading a book on relationships, (I admit it I totally love these things!) and they were talking about a little formula:

E+R=O
(Event plus reaction equals outcome)

We as care givers live this little formula and most of the time we don’t even think about it. And we live it in so many ways.

• We know that if our loved one has a bad moment and gets cranky (come on who doesn’t get cranky), if we engage it will escalate. If we deflect, it will dissipate.
• We know if our loved one gets their clothes soiled, if we make a big deal about it, they feel shy and self conscious. If we just move them into clean clothing they accept our loving care.
• We know that when our loved one gets confused and scared and starts asking questions, if we patiently answer the emotion not just the question, they quiet and become unafraid.
• When our loved one calls us by the wrong name and looks for family that is long dead, if we insist on orienting them to the time and place our loved one becomes fretful, scared and sometimes hostile. By answering their call for attention we have met their need.
• When we allow our need to “be right” to be second to their need “to recognized and acknowledged as having value” we all benefit from the interaction.
• When we let go of the baggage from our past relationship with our loved one and forge a new relationship based on the present, we are given a wonderful gift of forgiveness.