5 am Roll Call

Early morning today. I awoke to the sound of my Dad falling out of bed. I waited for a minute and heard him get up so I assumed everything was alright. Hellllllooooo, what was I thinking??? I coolly and oh so smugly stroll into the bathroom and begin to do my business. Soon I hear Dad frantically running down the hall calling me. Barbara! Stella! Helen! (all his sisters) So while to pee as fast as I can (which is not something you can really rush) I start yelling "Here I am!"

I finish up and race out of the bathroom imagining blood and guts and find my Dad racing in the dark to find me. I call and walk over to him. He looks at me and says "Where have you been?" Okay, I admit it, I am a little tired and a little cranky and say "I was peeing but before that I was sleeping." He looks at me and says "Oh, you were sleeping?" Complete shock. I reply, "Yes, Dad it is 5 am, I was sleeping." Now comes the "I am being oh so patient voice. He looks at me and explains that he would like to go to sleep but he cannot find his bed. I looked him dead in the eye and explained that if he stayed in his bed he would not lose his bed.

All of a sudden I hear myself having this conversation in the wee hours of the morning, in the chilled hallway of our house and I start to laugh. The sheer silliness of someone losing their bed and having to get out of their bed to FIND their bed is overwhelming and I just giggle. My Dad looks at me shakes his head and asks if he can go to bed now. "Yes, you can Dad" I say gently and show him where his bed is. The bed that is still warm from him lying in it minutes prior.

Construction

If you don't know and unfortunately even if you do know, here is a tip. Consistency, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY!!!! Now you are probably wondering what consistency has to do with construction, and to be honest I would too, but in this case they are one in the same. Normally, I would say undertaking construction projects in your home is not a great idea when caregiving in your home. But all situations are not ideal. Luckily, my home is a ranch so it is all on one floor which makes it easier, but improvements are needed. Ramps to get in and out of the house instead of steps, a solid secure deck, laminate flooring NO CARPET. CARPET IS BAD. CARPET IS GROSS. CARPET IS NOT WHEELCHAIR FRIENDLY. CARPET STAINS WHEN BODY FLUIDS ARE CONTINUALLY DEPOSITED. Did I mention, I don't care for carpet anymore.

Now comes the question, to construct or not to construct. I can tear everything up in preparation for Dad being in a wheelchair, or I can wait until he is in a wheelchair to tear up the house. I did it now. For a ton of reasons.

1. Do it now and be proactive not reacting in a moment of crisis.
2. Do it now and hopefully/eventually Dad will get used to the new areas/flooring.
3. Do it later and possibly not have Dad understand (even for the moment)

So you have to go through my garage to enter the house. Over the laundry, through the boxes being sorted; but you know what, TOUGH I say. If you are coming to see us, work with us, deal with the inconvenience and enjoy the benefits when we have a lovely safe deck in the back for my Dad to enjoy and a ramp to enter the house. So go forth and construct!

The weekend is here

I don't know about you, but for me weekends come with a mixed blessing. More time for relaxation, time for me, catch up on housework and time to pretend I am still me. Yes I do mean time to pretend to be me. So much has been absorbed in my roles, loving wife, caring parent, devoted caregiver, obedient daughter, supportive friend, that by the weekend I am empty. I have lost whatever it is that makes me, me. How is it that I can find myself surrounded by so much need? How is it that those around me can feel they have the license to suck the very essence of me and feel they don't have to replace it?

Dark, huh? I thought so too. So once again, I put on the brakes and think. Okay, you feel a little used, a little empty, so what are you going to do to fix it? It is not anyone else's responsibility to refill my tanks or refresh my batteries, it is my job to take care of me. Now if I don't feel up to it there is a trick, FAKE IT. If you fake it enough or long enough it will become real. So on those days, that it is all too much, I pretend and soon enough my smile becomes genuine, the laughter is not quite so forced and things begin to get easier. The trick is to hang in there and fake it long enough for it to be real.

Gotta love the VA

Dad had a routine doctor's appointment today at the VA. I do love our VA, really I do. My Dad has had lovely care there. They check his blood levels, we do some things and there are some procedures that just aren't worth pursuing. But as with all doctors, the first visit is "Justification by Inquisition". No matter how nice the doctor/nurse/PA is I absolutely hate having to justify my existence and value to them. We all go through it.

• Yes I am aware my Dad has Alzheimer's.
• Yes I am in it for the long haul and no I do not want to discuss "alternative living arrangements"
• Yes I do have respite.
• No I don't have enough respite. This is the rookie question. Does anyone have enough respite????? insert rueful laugh here
• No thank you my Dad doesn't need his prostate probed.
• No thank you we will pass on the colonoscopy. eeeeewwwwww
• Yes it is cold, but my Dad wears diapers so we really don't want to add thermal underwear into the mix.

Really I know they mean well, but READ THE FREAKING CHART. I have been caring for him for YEARS, his blood tests came back better than in months, his weight is stable and he is not using a walker anymore. All progress.

So what to do. As always, choice time. I can get frustrated with the system, I can rage and vent (I am actually pretty good at that smiley face inserted here if I knew how on this thing) or I can smile, put on the company manners and do my best to win her over thereby making it easier for me later on. If I can establish good rapport with EVERY care provider we use, my life is easier, my value goes up in their eyes, I then have more stroke and ultimately my Dad gets better care. So what is the goal? His care. So I suck it up and take one for the team and charm and smile and win them over.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is your 73rd birthday. Wow! I remember growing up and everyone saying you wouldn't make 59, but now here you are 23 years past that! We woke you up today telling you that it was your birthday and we would have a surprise party for you. We had 3 and each was a surprise and a joy. We did one for cake with guests. We did one for presents. And one for dinner. You seemed to enjoy each one.

Again today I had a choice to make. I could mourn the fact that my dad no longer understands time and holidays. When you think about it these are pretty significant losses. Time is how we mark days, weeks, events, holidays, special times in our lives. For may Dad, without being able to understand time, he lives in the moment. Now is what is important. Today I chose to celebrate his birthday as I used to when the kids were little. Buy them presents, sometimes buy the presents with them present, and tell them what a special day their birthday is and how special they are. THAT is how we are celebrating Dad's day, celebrating what a unique individual he is and how he enriches our lives.

Snow is a wonder

I am sitting here with my Dad and we are watching snow fall outside. He is complaining about being cold and the snow. He asked if the snow was new snow. I explained yes, it had not been used before; and I got the look. The look is his face crinkles up, his eyebrows become a monobrow and he looks at me like I have lost my mind. He looks at the snow and asks if it is falling off the tree or new snow. I say yes it is new snow. He then comments that it looks like we might get some new snow tonight.

At this point I need to have a talk with myself. I have 2 choices right now. I can become frustrated with the cycle of questions. I can become frustrated that that he doesn't see that if it is snowing, of course we are getting snow. OR I can let go and enjoy the moment. I can watch the snowflakes falling with him and talk about how cold it is outside and how cold he is OR I can choose to debate the existence of snow and cold. Call me a wimp, but I vote for hot chocolate and the moment.

Top Ten Things a 40 yr old woman should not know

10. A man's pair of fleece pants size large hold 1 qt. of urine
9. The average man pees 1.5 quarts of urine a night
8. Medicare Part D takes a Phd to understand
7. Most folks needing Medicare Part D do not have a Phd
6. Adult diapers cost 15.00 a box
5. It takes 2 hours to get in to your appointment following cataract surgery
4. The appointment itself is 10 minutes
3. If you don't rinse and wash your dentures daily you WILL develop dragon breath
2. The "Walking Farts" does exist and has the same aroma as any other fart
1. With all this being said, the only other option is pushing up the daisies and that can't be fun either.

Today's Highlights 1/21/07

So much is happening so fast and at the same time so slowly. I want to be able to capture it all so I can sort it out later when I have the time and the energy. I am a mother of 3, caregiver to my Dad who has Alzheimers and I have a husband. Some days I am tired. Some days I am really tired. And the rest of the time I am exhausted! But I would not trade this for the world. Today it snowed and my Dad explained that the snow makes him tired. He peed himself 3x today, which means 3 diapers at a dollar a piece, that is not bad. Tomorrow I will add more.