Morning Routine

This morning I had a flash of wisdom or something similar. This morning while I was getting ready for work and getting the kids ready for school Dad woke up. This seems like a simple everyday occurence, which it was, but I started thinking and I realized every morning my Dad and I follow the same routine.

After a night's sleep most of us wake up a little groggy, need a few minutes to get our act together, have our coffee, whatever your personal poison, but it is that morning routine that gets us moving. Without that routine, the day seems, flat, unhinged, possibly even stressful, sound at all familiar? Well I finally realized every morning is like that for my Dad. He wakes up and doesn not know where he is or how he got there. How terrrifying! Can you imagine waking up in the Twilight Zone EVERY morning.

Unconsciously my Dad and I had established a routine. He wakes up and finds me, wherever I am (bedroom, bathroom, kitchen...). When he sees me he asks who I am and where he is. I would explain that I am his daughter Debbie. Now I understand that doesn't mean anything to him and he doesn't remember being married, let alone haivng a child, but I still say it. I usually tell him a story from when I was growing up or he was growing up as proof of our relationship. If I can get him to see that we have some common memories (my reminiscences are not memories but memories of stories) he begins to feel safe. He knows he is with someone that knows him and I have proved it with details of his life.

The second hurdle is where he is. I explain that this is my house and he lives with me. I explain that he has an illness that causes him to forget things and get confused and that is why we live together. At that point I usually tell another story, again reassuring him that we have ties and I know WHO HE IS. I also reassure him that he is loved and safe.

Thinking about these questions and answers I realized, he really doesn't care where he is or who he is with. He is asking am I safe? Am I with people who will care for me? Should I be anxious? I have learned that storytelling answers these questions that he doesn't even know he is asking. So tomorrow, I will tell more stories and I will remind myself that those stories create a safe place for Dad.