Now that I am no longer in school, grades and pass fail no longer seemed to be a part of my life. But then a fellow caregiver mentioned that sometimes he feels that taking his beloved wife to the doctor feels like a Caregiving Final Exam (I am a little liberal here with the wording, but I have the spirit I hope). We take our loved ones in and there are blood TESTS, physical EXAMinations, eye TESTS, etc. You get the gist.
I always knew I felt a little anxious about the doctor's visit. Am I going to measure up? How am I doing as a caregiver? The results of those tests on our loved ones become milemarkers and ways that we measure or success, or lact of success as a caregiver. What stress we put on ourselves! I did not even realized that I looked at these visits so critically, as a measure of my performance until I heard someone else verbalize it. And wham! It hit me between the eyes.
But now I have thought about it and realized life is about little tests and not just for us caregivers. Here are some examples:
- I have a job, (failing there is called getting fired).
- I cook for my family (failing there is called food posioning)
- I have friends (failing there and you become a social pariah)
- I knit (failing there is called adding a desing element)
- I love cats (failing there is becoming the weird cat lady with 30 cats)
So yes, as caregivers we can strive for straight As on our report card (lab tests, etc) but ultimately our success is measured by our loved one. Are they as happy as we can hope for, as healthy as we can reasonably expect and as safe as we can make them? If so, then celebrate that success. Celebrate this time with your loved one. Celebrate the "us" that has been newly carved in your life and their life.
2 comments:
Debbie,
You crack me up with your stories. Hang in there and keep sharing them with us!
Ca'Trena
I like your insights, kiddo -- it's great to have a friend like you!
-Tina
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