I had another revelation today. Drumroll, please. My Dad needs to parent me. Again, duh of course. My Dad has been a caregiver for our family all my life. My cousins would go to our house when they had been drinking and hide out from their parents. Mom would make up the couch while Dad called their Mom and said they were spending the night with us, not to worry. Whenever kids would show up at the house, out would come food and games and all would be welcome. Why would I think this need to give would end just because Dad is a little confused?
Just today we were talking and Dad wanted to go home, go back to school, get a job, etc. It dawned on me, that what he was really saying is
- I need to contribute.
- I need a function.
- I need somewhere to go.
- I need to care for you.
These are basic functions each of us completes daily. I felt so silly. Here I am thinking "Lucky Dad you are on a permanent holiday" and he is saying "I am bored, I need to be needed".
How to fix this? I explained that he is paying his way. I told him we use his social security to pay the mortgage and if did not have it we could not meet the mortgage. You could see his chest swell with pride. In one fell swoop he became responsible for this house. He also helped me clean. Of course, he would get bored and side tracked and wander away, but that is okay. This is NOT goal oriented cleaning. The idea is to give him a sense of purpose not to pass a white glove test.
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