Retrospection

I miss my dad.  I miss caregiving, somewhat like a parent that misses teaching their kids to walk.  Every day it comes back in waves.  Mostly nice pleasant waves.  Memory and time has made it all seem so rosey.  I am now an hr manager and find it amazing how useful our dementia journey was.  Not a day goes by that I do not meet someone in crisis.  Recently I had a coworker tell me how ill her father is.  We talked about the fear frustration and sense of incoming doom.  We described it as being rooted on the beach watching the tide roll in.  You see it.  You know it is coming.  Nothing you can do but wait, bargain with the wave, deny the wave, be angry with the wave and the accept the wave.  Sound familiar?    In case you missed it those are the stages of grief.  But they are not just about grief they are about faith and change.  Faith and change?  Yes.  We as caregivers have to accept that change is inevitable and have faith the wave is coming and it will not destroy us.  The wave comes in and rocks us, the water boils around us, creeps up our body and we are mired in the sand.  We have no escape but most importantly we saw the wave coming and held our ground and when we stared it down it did not consume us.

So go to your personal beach.  Take stock of the wave and prepare to stare it down. And when you are safe and dry and warm and you meet the future survivor struggling to their beach stop and share their load.  Sit on their blanket share a meal a drink or a moment.  Lighten their load if even for a moment.  You will both benefit.