We are mortal and frail just like everyone else. No you say? Heresy? I think not.
Because of the nature of our the lifestyle we have chosen, most of us develop Superhuman Tendencies. We expect ourselves to be on call 24/7, keep an immaculate house, cook gourmet meals, our outfits match, our make-up perfectly applied and our loved ones happy and healthy. In our spare time we should garden, run errands and by the way have a personal appointment or two. Does any of this sound familiar??? I thought so.
Guess, what? You cannot do it all. I recently had an eye opener at the dentist. I had a tooth that was bothering me and I realized that it had been awhile since I had been to the dentist. While in the chair, did I mention I hate the dentist?, they discovered I still had my wisdom teeth, did I mention I hate the dentist and a big old cavity. Long story short I found out I need to have my wisdom teeth extracted and the other tooth as well.
While trying to schedule the next appointment I realized I would have to wait 2 weeks, because my slots were filled with kid stuff and dad stuff. Then I realized that I may be medicated and start asking the questions. How much medication will I need? How long to recuperate? How soon can I talk? And then I explained that I could not be out of commission. The dentist looked at me in shock. I don't think many patients say, the earliest opening I have is at 2 pm, 2 weeks in the future. I then said, if it takes longer than a day, I am not going to have the procedure done.
The dentist talked me down and I realized I was being a little unrealistic. But what if I were sick? What if something happened to me? This thought is scary, because it is no longer just about me. Yes when you are a couple or a parent, it is not about just you. But when you are a caregiver, just you no longer exists. And in light of that many of us err in the favor of our loved one. Our appointments wait, our time for ourself waits, everyone else comes first.
But, I have come to realize this is not the best method. That is the path to guaranteed burn out. We HAVE to take care of ourselves and sometimes put us first, in order TO care for our loved one. By taking time to care for our needs, our appointments, our health we are prolonging the time we will be able to care for our loved one. Isn't a few extra months with our loved one worth a check up, a wisdom tooth extraction?
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2 comments:
I can really relate to this. I care for mom 24/7. The only relief i get is when my hubby gets home, i can then go somewhere if i want or need to cause he can stay with her. Have you ever gotten really frustrated with your dad? I have with mom @ times, @ times i just want to scream! I never had kids so she's my kid in a way. She does choke alot when she eats, which worries me and she coughs alot too. Hospice is coming to help me with her, they are my angels.
Let me guess, when your husband goes home you go the grocery store, or dentist or some other errand that has to be done. Heaven forbid you relax.
Yes I would get very frustrated with my Dad, that was how this started. I had nowhere to go and was overwhelmed. When I would get frustrated I would remind myself this is not his choice and he is more frustrated them I am when he is aware of his limitations. Not his choice helped allot. But I am not a saint and am very human, it is ok to get frustrated and tired. Don't beat yourself up for it, you only feel worse lol. Accept it and deal with it in as healthy a way as possible.
Hospice are angels only said too well. Allow yourself to feel all of it, the good and the bad. And I am an email away. And so are others.
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